I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
