Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
