Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
