and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
