sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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