I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
