Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
