I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize