You can't motorboat a personality
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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