its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
