Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
