No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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