just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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