need another drink. this is the easiest way
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
