You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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