I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
