how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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