i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize