you have to choose: penises or morals?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize