i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Someone came in the potted fern
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
