Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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