Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
