if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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