This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
