Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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