things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
