how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
