meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
