The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
