i may or may not be watching the land before time
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
