I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
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