You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize