We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
