There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
