Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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