Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
