I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize