Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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