Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
