How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
