anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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