It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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