How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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