I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
