NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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