You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I look better un-naked...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize