I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
