I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
