Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i think i have two assholes
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
