I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i think i just lost a toe
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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