You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
