I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
