It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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