I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize