I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize