i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
