Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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