the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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