dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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