I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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