And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
