Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
