I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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