We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
