ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
