Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
