Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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