wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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