laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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